If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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