I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
