need another drink. this is the easiest way
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
