I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
