i jhust puked up my retainher.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
