DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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