And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
