Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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