wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
