I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Someone shit on the floor
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The air taste purple.
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