I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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