Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I FOUND THE LEGS
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
