everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
