I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
