Just cropdusted the office
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
