my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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