How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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