ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
