the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
