I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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