That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
