you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
