period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
