how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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