Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
