i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
