Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
