Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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