Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
