like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
