I will die if light touches me.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
