Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Less talking, more tequila
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
