peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
