i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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