i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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