Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
