All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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