yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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