So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
