did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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