Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
