he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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