I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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