I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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