"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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