...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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