I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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