grandma shit on top of the toilet
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
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