I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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