Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The best revenge is premature balding
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
