On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
