this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She's the barista slut.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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