her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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