matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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