I CAN MOONWALK!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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