Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
