laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
