Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
