Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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