I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
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Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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