So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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