So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
