There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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