sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
