I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
