She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
