Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
