its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
