lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
