we're blogging at a bar
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We had to coat check the pizza.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
