How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
