I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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