I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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