Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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