Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
