I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
